How (and Why) To Keep Fighting

I picked up this book a few years ago and revisit it often. It looks like it should be a quick page-turner but instead encourages you to slow down and spend some time thinking about the “note” you just read. This one, entitled Don’t Run Away, is applicable in so many areas of our lives:

To try to run away from suffering is not wise. To stay with it, to look deeply into it, and to make good use of it, is what we should do. It is by looking deeply into the nature of suffering that we discover the path of transformation and healing. Without suffering, there is no path to happiness. We can even speak about the goodness of suffering because suffering helps us to learn and grow.

This excerpt resonated immediately when I first read it—and it had nothing to do with suffering through a rough patch in a race. I immediately thought of the sudden passing of my Mom—16 years ago today—from a brain aneurysm, the most traumatic, but also transformative, experience of my life. At the time it happened, there was shock, disbelief, a lack of understanding, and a lot of unanswered questions. I couldn’t accept the pain of her loss and wouldn’t let myself feel what I needed to feel. It hurt too much. I tried to distract myself and carry on with business as usual. Denial, really. This wasn’t wise. It was only when I eventually allowed myself to be vulnerable, and embrace the full magnitude of my Mom’s death, that I began to heal, grow, and gain new perspective. Choosing to “make good use” of the pain I felt led to an increased appreciation for my family and friends, not to mention a deepened understanding of the shortness and fragility of our existence, and, over time, a state of contentment I don’t believe I would have come to know otherwise.

To suffer, in whatever form it may take, is part of what it means to be human. When we experience pain our first instinct is to make it go away as quickly as possible. But, as Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us, we need to feel it. We need to try and stay with it, look deeply into it, and learn from it. Unpleasant as it might be, this is part of the healing process, and how we gain new insight and perspective on the path to happiness and growth.